Sunday, December 2, 2007

Haiku? Hiya!

The way into a woman’s good graces, we know,is through her heart… but short of invasive surgery, how does one get to a woman’s heart? Poetry. The original poem has much to offer, especially considering how freakishly easy it is to write one. Most forms of poetry require no effort whatsoever, but the easiest of them all is the Haiku. Syllables: 5-7-5. String them together, and say “arigato” to our Japanese friends for their efficiency in getting you into the promised land.

Laser Tag
light cuts through the smoke
where is my foe now? Only
his corn dog remains

Finer Wear
two button pinstripe
classic or legendary?
depends on necktie

High Five
one two three four five
raise each one high in the air
cut me some skin, bro

wingman O wingman
please save me from the fatties
it’s your sworn duty

Monday, November 12, 2007

Take Two Awesomes And Don’t Call Me In The Morning

I’ve never called-in sick a day in my life. How is that, you ask? Answer: Awesomeness.

I combat the cold and flu season by injecting heavy doses of Awesome into my bloodstream. Special power. NASA’s run tests. Passed them all. Flying colors.

Of course, not everyone shares my ability to fight infection through superior genetics, which is why I’m offering a few hints that can help you safely and naturally increase your BAC (Blood Awesome Count) as you encounter the seasonal symptoms.

Sore Throat
Hot tea and a lozenge? That’s JV. Slip on a 100 percent Italian silk tie instead. The pain is just your throat demanding an accessory.

You may be tempted to put on a comfy pair of sweats and go to bed. DO NOT DO THIS. First, no one reading this should own such a garment. Second, sweats imply acceptance. You fight fire with fire: Suit Up!

Men don’t ache.

Studies have shown the best way to fight cold is with body heat. If you’ve even glanced at this blog before, you’re well enough equipped to target and acquire a choice cutlet to warm you up. Heh. “Well equipped.”

A cough is the sound of your lungs high-fiving. They’re celebrating your awesomeness. Join in! Light a Cuban, pour a cocktail, and imagine a world without children.

Alone, or in combination, these remedies far surpass the prescriptions of yesteryear. Remember, “over the counter” is just something they left out of the Kama Sutra.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Seeing Double

They can be kind of strange, sort of weird, and very unusual. What are they? Identical twins!

Surprisingly, until the age of 16, I found doppelgangers to be creepy, unnatural and, let’s face it, redundant. But all of that changed one crisp, fall evening in the early 90s….

While fast-forwarding through commercials on my Baywatch tape, I noticed a spot for Wrigley’s Doublemint chewing gum. It featured two IDENTICAL women in bikinis,inserting sticks of gum in their mouth at the same time. That day, no longer was a boy and I became a man. As advertised, Wrigley’s had indeed doubled my pleasure, doubled my fun.

Fun Facts About Twins

10 Famous Twins… or 20, I Guess
The Olsen Twins (duh)
Romulus and Remus
Nick Nolte and Gary Busey
Luke and Leia
Tomax and Xamot
Kirby Puckett
The Barbie Twins
Zan and Jayna
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito

Where Do Twins Come From?
Contrary to popular belief, twins do not come from accidentally getting water on a newborn, but from science. Roughly one fertilized egg - or “zygote” -out of every 150 divides to form two separate embryos. Gross.

Who Should Have An Identical Twin?
Funny People
Smart People (yes in that order)

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Popping Your Big Apple

I have been making a lot of trips to New York recently. So many, that I think part of me is beginning to think of the quick 45 minute flight to Teterboro as my "regular commute." Ugh. I go for work, so I can't exactly take any friends with me when I make the trip, but after talking about these little trips with my friends, I am finding that many of them have never been to New York. So, I decided to help them out.

Welcome to the greatest city on the planet. Undoubtedly, you’ll want to make your first time in New York a memorable and enjoyable experience. I’ve experienced many, many first timers-many–so I’m a natural choice to be your guide. Here is a handy pocket guide to help make your first time in New York a success.

Your first time on the subway can be risky business, but it’s well worth the$2 fare. The same amount of enjoyable, work-free shaking would cost you well over $6 in your average motel massage bed. But exercise caution:touching the third rail can lead to a premature end of your first-time experience.

Broadway Show
Ah,the Great White Way. The lights, the sounds, the dark, hidden crevices of age-old theaters. Musicals tend to be better for first-timers than,say, one-woman shows. Singing and tap dancing provide the perfect cover for you and your partner to hit your own high notes. But remember,don’t try to sneak backstage your first time.

United Nations
New York is the capital of the world, and you’ll certainly want to taste her international flavors. While it’s great to exercise your diplomatic skills with people from around the world, be sure to wrap yourself in your nation’s flag for protection. You don’t want your first foreign experience to be your last. No need to worry about communication barriers; the language of love is universal.

Museum of Modern Art
New York is renowned both for its modernity and its art. Combine the two and visit the world-famous MOMA. There, first timers can create their own modern-art masterpieces. Several lucky ladies have credited yours truly with inspiring their own “artistic” awakenings. Be wary of the security staff and remember: flash photography is permitted, but be sure to ask before you touch anything.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Monday, July 2, 2007

Beer Bash!

Today the monthly beer bash at work was summer themed to celebrate the arrival of summer.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

We are both home!

As soon as I finished my residency, I picked up Madison. She's very happy to be home.

Friday, June 15, 2007

The culmination of my first graduate residency

Yesterday I completed my first grad semester at UVA by delivering my project in the Darden auditorium.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

The Clifton Inn

I had dinner at The Clifton Inn last night with my class. This was Jefferson's daughter's home

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Jefferson's Academical Village

Yesterday afternoon I spent some time on the central grounds learning about Jefferson's legacy.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Where Have You Been?

I got in very early this morning, so I figured I would show you the areas I have been spending time.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Checking In On Maddie

Maddie is recovering from surgery on her luxating patella while I am at school. Barbie and I visited her over the weekend.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

The White Spot

I went to the famous White Spot in Charlottesville today. It is located on the corner and it is known for the "Gus Burger" - 2 patties, cheese, and a fried egg.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Downtown C-ville

Tonight I had dinner with my class on Main Street in downtown Charlottesville, VA.